And now?
The day after tomorrow is Christmas Eve, the holidays are all but here and I- I am just watching everything unbelievingly.
I have been looking forward to Christmas for such along time that I can hardly believe it, now that it's here.
Although realistically all preparations are finished I feel as if time was running out, I still want to do so much before it's Christmas! I want to watch so many Christmas movies and bake hundreds of cookies, I want to meet old friends and drink tea with them and I want to listen to songs like Deck the Halls or Let it snow all day long.
I am not ready for Christmas because I do not only want a merry Christmas, I want a perfect Christmas. Celebrating a perfect Christmas means to feel Christmas, to breathe it and to dance with joy every minute of it. And all of that has to be done before Christmas Eve because I have got the stupid idea that it is too late afterwards. Yesterday a strange feeling came over me all of a sudden: I felt as if it was already January and I were looking back at Christmas 2011, full of regret that I didn't celebrate it properly.
In other words, I want Christmas to never come because I want it to never be over again.
Does this make any sense to you? Probably not, and I am not blaming you.
Anyway, since I am worrying so much about the right way to spend the yuletide another problem had to occur: I don't want to spoil Christmas by reading (and yes, I do realise that this sounds absolutely ridiculous).
The explanation follows.
Whenever I read a book a part of my mind is totally dedicated to it, I am always pondering it more or less subconsciously, no matter what I'm doing, and that distracts me. It is almost as if a part of my soul was stuck between the pages and could not get out until I finish the book, and in some cases not even then.
So the big question is: does this mean that I won't read anything these holidays?
Of course not. I can't stay away from books.
And what about the whole being distracted stuff?
I am just going to try and read only read good books so that when I am distracted, I am at least distracted by something beautiful.
(Image on the left from http://christmasstockimages.com/free/christmas-trees/slides/rainbow_christmas.htm)
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