Donnerstag, 22. Dezember 2011

So this is Christmas...

 The whole house is smelling like gingerbread, my last test has been written and (almost) all Christmas presents are already bought and wrapped. I've spent the past few weeks dawdling through the city, searching perfect gifts (I love buying presents) and diving in the busy vibrancy of streets full of people.
And now?
The day after tomorrow is Christmas Eve, the holidays are all but here and I- I am just watching everything unbelievingly.
I have been looking forward to Christmas for such along time that I can hardly believe it, now that it's here.
Although realistically all preparations are finished I feel as if time was running out, I still want to do so much before it's Christmas! I want to watch so many Christmas movies and bake hundreds of cookies, I want to meet old friends and drink tea with them and I want to listen to songs like Deck the Halls or Let it snow all day long.
I am not ready for Christmas because I do not only want a merry Christmas, I want a perfect Christmas. Celebrating a perfect Christmas means to feel Christmas, to breathe it and to dance with joy every minute of  it. And all of that has to be done before Christmas Eve because I have got the stupid idea that it is too late afterwards. Yesterday a strange feeling came over me all of a sudden: I felt as if it was already January and I were looking back at Christmas 2011, full of regret that I didn't celebrate it properly.

In other words, I want Christmas to never come because I want it to never be over again.

Does this make any sense to you? Probably not, and I am not blaming you.

Anyway, since I am worrying so much about the right way to spend the yuletide another problem had to occur: I don't want to spoil Christmas by reading (and yes, I do realise that this sounds absolutely ridiculous).
The explanation follows.

Whenever I read a book a part of my mind is totally dedicated to it, I am always pondering it more or less subconsciously, no matter what I'm doing, and that distracts me. It is almost as if a part of my soul was stuck between the pages and could not get out until I finish the book, and in some cases not even then.

So the big question is: does this mean that I won't read anything these holidays?
Of course not. I can't stay away from books.
And what about the whole being distracted stuff?
I am just going to try and read only read good books so that when I am distracted, I am at least distracted by something beautiful.

(Image on the left from

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